i'm jealous. i'll admit it. but only in here - because nobody ever looks here anymore. i'm frigging jealous and i'm scared too. i'm scared that that person will prefer to hang out with the newbies instead of me. i'm scared that i won't be the FIRST one anymore. i'm scared that the person will get sick of me, and find someone else. shet... oo na, insecure na kung insecure - but this is how i've always been, haven't i? it just isn't as easily noticed.
whatever. i'm jealous, and i don't like it.
oh, but please take note: we're just friends.
posted by Lilith at 11:51 PM
people must think that my parents are incredibly strict. they are strict. but not to the extreme that i make them out to be. the one with the real problem is me. when i said i couldn't go to eximo, it wasn't because it was an absolute certainty that i wouldn't be allowed. i know that i could've gotten pernission if i really wanted to. but that's it - i didn't really want to. i think that deep inside me, i didn't want to waste my parent's permission - there are bigger things, things that'll mean more to me in the end.
that's all i really wanted to say. i'll bring lilith back now.
posted by Lilith at 9:59 PM
This is Clair, speaking through the lips of Lilith.
it is not worth loving someone you aren't attached to. you can't love someone like that. how can you love someone you don't really know? therefore the heart is destined to be broken, and tears were truly meant to fall. shit. one is torn, whether to choose to *love* and maybe lose it, or to keep what one has, and never know what it is to *love.* so either way... there's that risk. how do you know when the person is worth taking that risk, or rather when the person is deserving of NOT taking the risk?
it would be much easier if i lived on paper.
but maybe, i already do. whether i do take the risk or not, it would still be a choice worth making and living out... but the question is... can i live with the regrets? it boils down to that, doesn't it?
gah... i've been dormant too long. the silence no longer speaks.
posted by Lilith at 9:31 AM
Ahahahaha... I haven't updated in quite a while... Well, probably because I haven't written in quite a while. Still... Here's a poem I wrote lately. It's my reply to The saint's "untitled." It's also partially inspired by Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night."
Untitled Response
01.22.03
Delirious I lie, half in sleep
I see the dawn of dusk
feel the fading light
and know the chill of dark
Weary eyes take in sight unseen
and Sigh with resigned breath
Two figures on the horizon
swathed in ethereal glimmer
From the west, a fiery guardian
In his grasp, a sword wrought of song
From the east, a silver angel
In his eyes, the vow of tender comfort
A soft whisper
'Your world without light
'is blind indeed'
'Open your eyes'
and the world was warm
The body once wracked with shivers
became still and quiet
and went gently into the bright night.
posted by Lilith at 7:05 AM
